An Orange
by Deploringly
Summary: So word is Sakura tried to heighten her make-out skills by practicing on an orange, and Sasuke's keen on finding out if it worked.


**AU. Non massacre. **

* * *

Girls, _just wanna _**have **fun

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* * *

"That creepy smiling _incredibly sexy _son of a bitch did _what?_" The blonde in front of her shrieked.

"Shut _up _Ino-pig!" Sakura hissed as she looked around the bustling coffee shop self-consciously. And sure enough most spectators near by were eyeing the pair quite oddly.

"No _you_ shut up Forehead. Sai had no right to say such blasphemous blasphemy—"

"Ino that's rather redundant—"

"Shut up, Ino darling's talking. _Any who. _As I was _saying, _I'm sure he only dumped your ass because he prefers a certain _male_ appendage that which you are incapable of offering. Well, currently anyways."

"For the last time Pig, I'm not getting a sex change, and Sai isn't gay." Sakura sighed and took another sip of her soy latte.

"But it'd be so fantabulous to have a _pink_-haired _male _BFFL." Ino pouted cutely.

"You're a weirdo. Why am I friend's with you?"

"Because you'd be screwed without my awesomenessly awesomeness."

"Awesomenessly? _Really?_"

The blonde answered with a role of her eyes, "Whatever. Don't be jel of my extensive use of vocabularly."

"_Vocabularly? _What the hell is _wrong _with you?"

She dismissed her pink haired companion with a wave of her hand, "Many things child, many things."

"Ugh," Sakura groaned and slumped her head onto the table, "I can't believe he _dumped_ me."

"Pish posh. Plenty of fish in the sea honey. And plenty of fish with less homosexual tendencies."

"_Ino!" _Sakura half-yelled in exasperation.

"Yeah yeah, he's not gay he's just _fashion forward_, I gotcha." But her smirk proved otherwise.

"You're insufferable. Completely, and utterly _insufferable_. One of these days I'm going to claw your face off with an over-fed male iguana."

"An empty threat I'm _sure. _But back to the matter at hand, I don't see why you're being so pissy about this, now you can finally get into Sasuke's pants."

"Oh we'll see about that, I have connections in Nicaragua you know. But he doesn't even _like _me! And our last encounter consisted of me drunkenly pushing him into a closet and asking him to have an ornate wedding with me in Prussia—which hasn't existed since 1947!"

"Yeah, _right_. Oh come now, simply a minor mishap, I doubt he still remembers that certain fiasco."

"…I threw up on him Ino. Three times."

Ino laughed and scratched her head nervously, "Well…at least you left him with a memorable impression?"

"If you had a penis I would castrate you with this butter knife." Sakura held up said butter knife for effect.

"Lucky for me I don't, but," Ino nodded her head towards the front door, "I happen to see a certain someone who happens to have a nice one for the taking."

Sakura turned her head in part-curiosity and part-annoyance, only to be met with the sight of a dashingly handsome young man with charcoal eyes and haphazardly spiked black hair. He was taller than average, lean, and _incredibly_ toned.

He also happened to be the love of Sakura Haruno's life. Or at least she fervently hoped so.

Said man just entered the café and was currently ordering from the cashier counter with an annoyingly obnoxious and exceedingly boisterous blonde. The latter was yelling profanities at the slightly taller man in his company who continued to ignore his presence all together.

"Oh _god_." Sakura groaned and slumped forward in her seat, attempting to make her presence as miniscule as possible.

Though her valiant efforts went to waste as she heard a boyish yell of

_'Sakura-chaaaaan!'_

"Ugh. Someone should teach that boy the meaning of _inside voices_." Ino mumbled and shook her head in contempt.

Unwillingly Sakura turned her head and greeted Naruto with a gulp and a small, "Hello."

Oblivious to the obvious uncomfortable atmosphere the loud-mouth sat down with an unceremonious _plomp_.

"When you sit down like that it sounds like you just took a giant crap." The other blonde pointed out.

"Whatever Ino, you're just jealous."

"Jealous you sound like you're pooping when you pop a squat?" She asked incredulously.

"Psh, no. Jealous of my _hair._" Naruto combed his hand through his hair in a what she supposed he thought was a sensual way to prove his point.

"…No comment." Ino turned away with a look of disgust.

"Heh. That's what I _thought._ _Hey teme get your spiky butt over here!_" Naruto shouted across the room, gesturing his best friend to come sit with them.

Said best friend sighed and made his way over, albeit rather reluctantly.

"Hn." Sasuke spoke in greeting, and sat down next to Naruto and across from Sakura.

Sakura answered with a nod of her head and Ino with a

_'Hey sexy.'_

"Hey, teme. You like my hair right?" Naruto spoke up and once again stroked his hair in a provocative manor while keeping intense eye contact with the teen next to him

"You're disgusting. Go die." Sasuke spoke in answer and proceeded in taking a sip of his unsweetened black coffee.

"Temeee! You're so mean to meee!" Naruto complained in a nasal tone which seemed to irk the Uchiha all the more.

"Naruto, shut up you're voice makes me want to eat a baby." Ino chided and glared at the current annoyance at hand. A gesture that was not so abnormal, seeing as the two blondes bickered almost constantly.

Naruto was about to retaliate when the boy next to him quickly shoved a bread roll into his mouth; effectively silencing him.

"Awww, thanks Teme. You always take such good care of me. That was real yummy." The blonde said in gratitude and rubbed his tummy appreciatively.

Sasuke responded with an exasperated sigh.

"Naruto, you're an idiot." Sakura informed her close friend since elementary school, while secretly gushing over the overall _smexyness _of the man in front of her.

"Yeah, but Ino's even _more _of an idiot." Naruto laughed loudly like his insult was the funniest thing in the world, which it most certainly was not.

"You listen here buddy—" Ino started and abruptly got up, causing the waiter behind her to waver and spill the ice cold pitcher of water he was holding over the pink haired girl sitting next to her.

Ino froze mid-air, and Sakura gasped, now completely drenched, and freezing with her clothes clinging to her like a second skin. Which was awesome and all, considering she was wearing a hot pink Victoria's Secret bra, and she was in the company of two men, one of which she'd wanted to marry since the second grade. The same man who was now not-so-secretly staring at her chest region with a for-once-not-blank expression but as if his attention was rather _ahem _riveted, and the blonde next to him was _ogling_.

"I'm so sorry ma'am. Let me get you some towels." The waiter apologized and gently set down his now empty pitcher onto a nearby vacant table.

"Wow Forehead, pretty forward under garments you're wearing today, ne?" Ino joked with a nervous laugh.

Sakura was livid. She abruptly got up and strode to the restroom, ignoring the

'_Wait Pig, I was _kidding_!'_

And

'_Sakura-chan where are you going?'_

Once in the safe-haven of the restaurant's restroom she proceeded to inspect the damage.

Luckily her makeup hadn't been ruined, and her jean-shorts hadn't been effected, but her shirt was beyond salvation. It was totally and utterly drenched, leaving her bra to complete public display.

With a sigh, Sakura grabbed some paper towels and proceeded patting her hair dry. It proved to be a difficult task, and one without much reward. After a few minutes of attempting to towel dry her hair, and realizing not much else could be done, she took one last look in the mirror before gathering her things and exiting the bathroom.

Upon sensing her presence the inhabitants at her table turned their eyes towards her.

Sakura avoided eye-contact with both of the boys, knowing more than well what _they_ were fixing their eye-contact on.

"Pig. I hate you. And I'm leaving."

"Sorry Forehead, but you drove with me and I still have to meet up with TenTen in half an hour."

"I can take you Sakura-chan!" Naruto spoke up brightly.

"You can't _drive_ dobe." The boy next to him reminded him coldly.

At this point, Sakura had had enough. She had been dumped earlier on in the day by a man who's sexuality was constantly in question and always wore half a fucking shirt. She was drenched, her shirt was soaked, her hair was wet and beginning to frizz, her mascara was starting to smudge, she was _fucking freezing_, and to top the whole thing off, _Sasuke Uchiha _was there to see it all.

"Well then maybe I should just get a ride with that fucking old man who's been staring at my tits for the past 10 minutes then!" Sakura screamed and pointed at the perverse elderly male who had continuously been looking in her direction and was _still _doing so.

"And then maybe just _maybe _we'll run off to Moscow and have little Russian speaking babies and we'll live on top of a mountain and have 17 children all of whom will be named Vladimir! And I'll adopt a Russian accent and I'll never finish medical school and you guys will all feel guilty and sad and you'll come running back to find me but by then I'll be dead because I had too many fucking Vladimir's and my uterus couldn't take pushing out all those babies and i _died_! And it's all _your fault!_" She shrieked. And once her oddly out of place rant was finished she took a deep breath and death glared at her supposed best friend.

The entire table was silent.

Sasuke sighed and stood up.

"I'll take you." And without another word began walking out of the now entirely silent café, expecting her to follow.

As if realizing what she had just done, Sakura blushed a deep red and timidly begun to follow the raven-haired boy out.

"Sorry." She said quietly to the cashier who was openly gaping at her, and scuttled out of the coffee shop.

.

"Uh, thanks for the, um, ride and stuff. I really didn't mean to be all um, crazy and stuff back there, so, um, yeah. Thanks. And uh, sorry for being such a nuisance, and stuff. Um, yeah."

"Whatever. Just don't throw up on me again." Sasuke responded with a quick glance in her direction.

"That was _one time!_" Sakura fumed, her cheeks a rather unflattering shade of red.

"Hn."

She wanted to wipe the smirk off his face at that moment. Sure they had been sorta-kinda-friends since middle school, and she was the only girl he semi-tolerated, and he kinda-maybe treated her nicely _sometimes, _but in that moment she was _pissed_.

Because what right did he have to constantly make her feel entirely embarrassed and all the while remain completely un-affected? What right did _he _have to always cause her to feel nervous in his very presence, and put giant rabid killer moths in her stomach every time he simply came into _view_? What right did he _have_?

So she punched him.

In the shoulder.

_Hard._

"The _fuck?_" Sasuke asked as he turned to her incredulous before returning his gaze to the road and rubbing his shoulder.

"Don't make fun of me you butt face." Angry Sakura had come out, and she meant _business. _As in, i-will-rip-off-chewbacca's-balls-if-necessary business. .

"_Butt face?_" He scoffed.

Sakura punched him again.

"Stop that!" Sasuke hissed.

"Hmph," Sakura answered triumphantly in response and then, "Wimp."

"Excuse me?" He spoke icily.

"Wi-mp." She enunciated.

"You don't just start fucking punching someone who offered to give you a ride in the shoulder _repeatedly _and then call them a _wimp._"

"Oh really? Sorry, I didn't realize that…

wimp."

"_Sakura,_" Sasuke ground out in warning.

"Yes?" She tilted her head to the side innocently.

"I am not a wimp. Take it back you annoying woman."

"Then prove it."

He glared at her, "_How_?"

Sakura seemed to ponder that for a minute before coming up with a seemingly remarkable conclusion.

"Run across the block _twice_ while carrying me _and _a…a...a _tire! _Yeah, a _tire_." She crossed her arms triumphantly, knowing he couldn't make good on such an offer.

"Fine."

"_Excuse me_?" She half-shrieked.

"I said _fine._ You deaf woman. But no tire. The dobe already used my spare."

"I—I'm not _deaf! _And you can't! You were supposed to say _no_!"

"Well I didn't." He spoke calmly as he brought his expensive navy Porsche 911 v12 Porsche to a halt on the curb.

Sasuke stepped out and rather nervously, Sakura did the same.

Once she walked around the car to face Sasuke who was standing apathetically on the sidewalk he held his arms out emotionlessly.

"I—I…I—" She looked around nervously, surely he couldn't be _serious_? She knew the Uchihas had plenty of pride, but surely it couldn't be to _this _extent! Right? Right?

Turning back to look at Sasuke once again who's arms were still held out like it was the most normal thing in the world, she supposed no. No she was not right. Not at _all_.

"Sasuke—wait I don't know about this. I mean you could _drop me. _On my head, or my _back. _I'd get paralyzed. Do you know what that means? I wouldn't be able to pee or anything by myself! I'd probably have to rely on Ino to help me. _Ino! _Could you imagine that? Having _Naruto _help you _pee_? Huh? Well? Could you?" She was near hyperventilating now, completely aware of the odd looks they were earning from fellow pedestrians.

The man in front of her simply rolled his eyes and scooped her up swiftly.

"Oh my god. Oh my god! _Oh my god!_" She whispered in a frenzy as he jogged towards the crosswalk.

"Shut up." He spoke easily, as if running while carrying a full grown young woman bridal style wasn't hindering him in the least.

"_I want to pee by myself!" _She shrieked.

The Uchiha simply smirked and continued jogging, quickly passing the first block.

"Sasuke—" Sakura gasped and turned her head into his chest after a particularly dangerous intersection, "Please don't drop me. Because I really, really, _really _don't want to depend on Ino for the rest of my life. God knows what she'd do to me. And then I'd never be able to go to Russia and have 17 Vladimirs and die from overusing my uterus."

The second block mark was in sight.

Without halting his stride, he looked in her eyes,

Ten yards now.

"I won't drop you."

Five. He smirked at her blush and added,

"Idiot."

"_Sasuke!" _

Done.

He merely raised an eyebrow in response and set her down on the sidewalk.

"We were having a moment. A _moment_. And you just _had _to ruin it. You know what you are? You're a moment-ruiner. That's right. Moment. _Ruiner._"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow once again, "Ruiner isn't a word."

"I—just…you! It's…GAH!" She yelled in frustration and swung another fist at his shoulder.

"I think you've got in enough punches for today." He caught her wrist easily and let it drop back down to her side.

"Why do you suck so much?" Sakura pouted cutely, and rubbed her wrist.

"Hn."

"Stop _saying _that!" She yelled in annoyance.

He glanced at her and raised an eyebrow _yet again _in challenge, "Hn."

"No! Bad Sasuke. Bad." She chided him and stubbornly poked his _totally sculpted _chest with her index finger.

"Hn."

Sakura threw her hands up in exasperation, "I give up. Just take me home?" She sighed.

Sasuke smirked.

"Hn."

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* * *

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The next day presented Ino, Sakura, Hinata, and Naruto at Ichirakus.

"So, Hinata did you hear?" Ino leaned across the counter to grin widely at the purple-haired girl a seat away from her.

"N-no. Hear what?" Hinata spoke softly.

"Sai dumped Forehead girl here." She pointed a thumb at the mentioned girl next to her. Who was doing her best to tune out the conversation.

Naruto, however was the one who responded, "No _way! _Really?" He yelled, with noodles spraying out of his mouth and onto the blonde who had been leaning over to talk to Hinata.

Sakura burst out laughing, while Hinata tried to pick the noodles out of Ino's hair.

After a quick punch to Naruto's head, Ino continued on,

"Yeah, I told her he might've though she was a bad kisser."

"_Really?_" Naruto asked in interest, "Well Hinata-chan's a _real _good kisser. Maybe she could help you practice. If you get what I mean." He wiggled his eyebrows up and down, as if to encourage them.

Hinata promptly fainted.

"You're sick Uzumaki. Truly sick." Sakura spoke in between a slurp of ramen.

"But that's not even the best part," Ino went on excitedly, "Afterwards I surprised her at her house and _guess what I found her doing?_"

Naruto was practically urinating himself at this point, "What? What?"

"She was making out!" She shout-whispered.

Naruto yelped.

"With an _orange!_" The female blonde shrieked peals of laughter, and the other fellow blonde soon joined in much to Sakura's dismay.

"Screw all of you. You're all going to Hell. I'll make sure of it." She grumbled.

"Aw, come on Sakura-chan. It's funny!"

"No it's not. Don't tell anyone."

Naruto pouted, "Whaaaat? Not even Sasuke-teme?"

"NO_!" _She shouted, "Especially not him!"

Unbeknownst to Sakura, the two blondes shared a look over her shoulder.

His face spread into a mischievous grin, "Oh, okay Sakura-chan. No telling the bastard. Got it."

And with that, the whisker-haired hyper boy was gone, carrying a still unconscious Hinata with him.

Sakura looked at her best friend worriedly, "Think he's going to tell him?"

Ino looked back at her with a mouth full of noodles, "Totally."

.

* * *

.

Everyone thought Ino and Naruto were stupid. Complete _idiots_. But those people are totally wrong, because these two blondes are, as Ino would say, awesomenessly_ awesome. _Or something like that.

Because, really, those two blondes knew _way too much_. And that was why they were currently scheming to bring there two very stupid head best friends together who were so totally in love with each other but one of them couldn't see it because his hair was too spiky and it blocked parts of his brain from functioning so they could live happily ever after and Sakura wouldn't have to make any Vladimirs.

And _that_ was why said blondes, and their two said best friends were now currently all at the park in front of the Sakura's apartment complex because they just so happened to bump into each other. On accident. _For sure_.

Ino interrupted the partially awkward silence, "I have to poo!" And quickly dashed towards her car.

Naruto looked around like he was in the midst of having a seizure, "I—I have to help!" And ran after her.

Ino turned back with a look of pure disgust on her face while still running, "WHAT THE FUCK?"

Naruto shrugged and they both were off to wherever slutty bimbos and weirdo blonde boys with whiskers on crack run off too.

The two left remaining were not impressed. Not. Impressed.

"Pig." Sakura grumbled and shook her head.

"Dobe." Sasuke sighed and raked a hand through his _totally uber soft and shiny _hair.

Sakura was in the middle of pondering how she was going to get home and also in the middle of waiting for Sasuke to walk away without a word, but instead he gracefully folded down onto the bench next to them.

She looked at him in shock, and he raised an eyebrow as if to say _why are you still standing up idiot? _

So Sakura plopped down onto the bench next to him, much less gracefully than he.

After a few moments of silence Sakura crossed her arms. Over the span of the past few days she had found herself growing much more comfortable around Sasuke, and wasn't prone as much to her abnormal rambling.

"I'm bored." She huffed and blew a strand of hair out of her face. The incessant piece of hair insisted on staying put, so she continued to huff at it, hell-bent on getting it to move without use of any other appendage.

"Annoying." Sasuke reached over and skillfully tucked the strand of hair behind her ear before resuming his original brooding position.

Sakura quickly clamped her gaping mouth shut and tried to tamp down the massive blush that he just triggered.

A few more moments passed in silence before Sakura decided if she had to sit on this bench one second longer with no passing dialogue whatsoever her brain would silently implode and that wouldn't be a good idea because it'd probably get on Sasuke's clothes and then he'd get mad at her. Although she'd most likely be dead by then. But still.

So she abruptly stood up and pulled Sasuke up with her.

The boy frowned in distaste, but she continued to pull him towards the playground structure with little children playing aimlessly.

Once she brought him in front of the swings she stopped.

"I am going to sit on this swing right here, and you are going to push me. Got it?" She poked him once for effect.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

She knew that was about as close to a yes as she was going to get, so she continued to sit atop the swing, and Sasuke, with about as much enthusiasm as a dead turtle, began to push her.

Aggravated, she shouted, "Faster!"

Sasuke grunted, and did so, as long as it would shut her up.

But that still was not good enough for Sakura, no, of course not. So again she shouted,

"Harder!"

On the way back down from Sasuke's most recent push he stopped her all together and held her in place.

He leaned in next to her ear and said softly, "Faster? Harder? Sakura there are _children _present."

Upon seeing the tips of her ears reddening he smirked and continued his task. Sakura said nothing, far too embarrassed to come up with any retort whatsoever.

"You know what? I think I'm tired of swinging." She whispered and Sasuke slowed down, allowing her to step off. He didn't miss how the remnants of her blush were still visible.

He smirked.

"Stop smirking god _damnit!_"

His smirk widened.

Sakura's eyes lit up. She knew just the way to get him to stop smirking. _Chyeah! _

"Wimp."

Sasuke's smirk immediately vanished.

A deadly glare replaced it.

"Take that back."

_Déjà vu much? _

She giggled and ran away toward the uninhibited fields of the park.

Sasuke growled in response and reluctantly made pursuit.

She hadn't made much progress when he caught up to her and grabbed her arm. Surprised by the sudden contact she tripped, causing both of them to fall over with him on top of her.

She stared up at him, her eyes wide and lips slightly parted, still trying to catch her breath from the previous excursion. Sasuke stared back, with his sculpted forearms on either side of her head.

The space between their lips was miniscule, four inches maybe.

Three.

She could taste his breath.

Two.

Her eyes lidded closed.

One.

She felt a whoosh of air as he suddenly sat upright, and stood up. He glanced down at her once before walking away.

.

* * *

.

"He just walked _away_." Sakura spoke with her phone positioned between her ear and shoulder while she scoured her refrigerator for some much needed Ben & Jerry's Phish Food.

" _Bitch! _No my breath did not _stink._" She breathed on her palm and sniffed it. She smelt _fine, _damnit.

"Obviously not Pig. If he did, he would've kissed me. But he didn't. So he doesn't. Simple as that." She sighed, and after finding the invaluable treasure she had been searching for sat down on her couch and began flipping through TV channels.

"I don't want to talk about it anymore Pig it's—" She was interrupted by a knock on her door, "Hold up, I think my blush pallet package's here. I'll call you back." Sakura promptly hung up the phone and opened her apartment door, hoping her cosmetics hadn't got too smudged in the packaging, and if she was lucky the delivery boy would be cute. _If _she was lucky.

But the boy she was met with most certainly was not the delivery boy. And he most _certainly _was _way _more than cute.

"Sakura."

"What are you doing here?" She asked, hyper-aware of the fact that she was merely wearing spanks and a Motley Cru tee that only went up to her midriff.

Sasuke seemed to notice as well, but quickly pulled his gaze back to her face.

"Let me in."

She crossed her arms with a huff, "Don't want to."

He rolled his eyes and brushed past her into her apartment (_her _fucking apartment thank you very much) and turned back around.

"I need to talk to you."

She heard catcalls and realized her door was still open and the 72 year old nanny named Gertrude that lived across from her was checking out her ass.

She quickly slammed the door shut.

"No you don't."

"I'm—" He took a deep breath as if saying the words caused him physical pain, "I'm _sorry_" Sasuke managed to grit out.

"Why?" Sakura asked; perplexed.

"For today. For walking away." He elaborated, suddenly serious and walked towards her.

Her eyes widened, _this totally was not happening right now._ _This was totally not happening and she was totally in some druggie-induced sleep because Ino probably slipped her some pill again and that was why this was happening right now. Because it was a _dream. _Totally. _

"For not finishing what I started."

The space between them was waning, and he was right in front of her, and she was starting to get _super_ duper nervous, and _when did he get so close? _

He cupped her cheek and angled it upwards.

She gulped.

His face was nearing hers now and she was still completely frozen.

_What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck oh my god_ _why is his face so clear? That's so unfair, boys shouldn't be able to have such pretty skin. Oh my god he smells really good._

Sasuke's nose brushed hers, and she shivered.

"I like you." He spoke, his voice low and husky and sexy and delicious and all _man_.

He then hungrily closed the space between them and kissed her.

And may she add he was pretty damn good at it too.

His hand that wasn't cupping her face ran up from her waist to the back of her neck and pulled her closer, forcing her to stand on her tip toes.

Not that she minded or anything but these toes were _so _not made for walking.

But lucky for her toes Sasuke lifted her up onto the counter for better access and without breaking the kiss weaved his hands through her hair. She tilted her head and wrapped her legs around him, earning an approving grunt from Sasuke who's hand traveled to her back and pulled her flush against him.

After what seemed like hours he finally pulled away and rested his hands on her knees.

He kissed her one more time.

Twice.

Sakura smiled, giddy and completely sure this was no drug-induced dream because she knew her imagination and it was _not _that awesome.

Sasuke leaned in to her ear, "I guess that orange did the trick huh?" He whispered and smirked.

The entire floor of Sakura Haruno's apartment complex could hear the shrill sound of her resounding

'_SASUKE!'_

_._

_._

_._

**End**

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**Teehee? :) **

**I am obviously not Madonna nor am I Masashi Kishimoto. Although I wish i were a mix of the two, that'd be a damn interesting looking person. So this is like the longest oneshot or chapter or anything i've ever written and i stayed up until almost three working on it sooo if you could review that'd be pretty awesome, I'll give you like a mani-pedi or something. But not really. It's the thought that counts right? **

**Happy Halloween?**


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